The Hidden Treasures of You

Thoughts of how it feels to be around someone you know adores you
Don’t know why but it brings out the best in you
It frees you to radiate the beauty you know they seek
The beauty you know they see and expect from you
It unlocks a part of you that may have long been tucked away
Under lock and key
The treasure of you Its an amazing thing to be in the presence of someone you know adores you
It is unmistakable
The loving way they look at you
the way they smile at everything you say Study your gestures
Admirable glances they cast
It makes you feel alive
And safe in their presence

Maybe you perform a little for them even

Not that its not the real you
But they raise the deepest parts of you to life
Because you know they celebrate who you really are
The you you may be afraid to share and be with anyone else
And its just the most amazing feeling
How sweet it is to be loved
It just makes the best of you burst out at the seams
This uncontainable giddiness that someone sees past your exterior
Sees past your past
Sees past your mistakes
and sees your heart
And despite what may have transpired there lies this insatuable fondess of the individual
And it is something that doesnt happen often in life
But when you find it
I swear there is nothing quite like it

Business Parter or Boo

Now we have all heard that business and pleasure don’t mix, right?  Wrong!!!  Because so much emphasis is placed on the fact that the two should not be mixed,  we fail to acknowledge when the two should–romantic relationships.  Maybe its the appeal of the forbidden that leaves these two being mixed in the workplace but if we understood it properly maybe it would revolutionize the most important relationships we have–on the home front.  Business and pleasure?  Must they be mutually exclusive spheres we operate in?  Shouldn’t we endeavor to blend the two and acknowledge that how we operate in each role is critical to the fulfillment and functionality of our relationship.  I would gather that most successful relationships have learned that there must be a balance of both business and pleasure.  If the relationship pendulum swings too much and stays too long on either side then it will only result in frustration.  But frustration of different sorts.

Relationships are likened to business partnerships. Rappers comment that sometimes trying to work out a relationship “might be a bad business choice” (Dueces Remix).  And while we chuckle at the comparison, relationships are partnerships– two people working together to accomplish a certain goal.  Two pooling their resources together, financial as well as intellectual and social to be the right hand man or woman to the other.

And they lived happily ever after right?

If it were only that simple.

I think problems arise in relationships when both parties assume one role to the exclusion of the other.  If one partner is strictly operating in business partner mode while the other is exclusively boo,  you have two people operating in two different modes, speaking two different languages, trying to exchange very different capital.  Both are left frustrated to say the least.

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There are certain things we have come to expect in a business setting.  If we are mature and realistic we understand that the office is not necessary the place we look for friends.  We understand that the nature of the relations we have there are to be professional and reciprocal– I know this and I can help you with this aspect of business, you know that and can help me with that aspect of business. We associate with people because they can get us where we need to be.   So we basically use each other and get paid by the company who is using (sometimes even exploiting us).  But that is the nature of business.  It is mechanical, careful, calculated, and robotic even.  We don’t expect these same behaviors to manifest in our romantic relationships.   The beauty of a relationship with a boo is that you can dress a similar dynamic up with the nice-ities of pet names and infuse the otherwise mechanical process of exchange with romance.  It breathes life into the business partnership, that is if there is the right mix of business and pleasure.  And at least there is an element of caring for the individuals well being and person outside of what they can “do for you” that we look for in romantic relationships that sets them apart drastically from the strictly arms length distance we are kept at from business partners.  At least that is the hope.

Here are some examples of frustrations that result when business and pleasure are mixed disproportionately in a relationship:

Both Parties are Business Partners:

When both parties approach the relationship as exclusively business partners lots of things get done and accomplished for the               couple outwardly.  It is very formal and robotic even.  Devoid of passion and appreciation of the other.  Emotionally un-fulfilling, cold and distant

Both Parties are Boos:

Probably the relationship most of us had in our youth.  Basically nothing gets done.  All that matters is how attractive the other person is and that you can spend as much time with each other as you can.  No goals, no objectives, not much responsibility.  Just boo-loving.

One Party is Exclusively Business Partner,While the Other, Boo:

Business Partner views the boo as irresponsible, negligent, carefree and not holding up their end of the bargain in terms of contributing to the larger scheme of things.  Boo accuses Business Partner of being insensitive, non-chalante, detached, removed, distant and only using boo as a means to an end.

Maybe the whole of relationships is an art where balancing the role of business partner/boo will create either a masterpiece on the canvas of a relationship or just one big old mess.  Which one are you?  ARE YOU OPERATING IN STRICTLY BUSINESS PARTNER MODE AND VIEWING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER AS SUCH, AS MERELY A BUSINESS PARTNER?   I am certain that no matter which role you assure, there are adjustments that can be made to enhance the flavor of your Boo-siness Partnership.

The Recipe to Winning

Howdy guys!

It’s been a while. I know.  I happened to look at my stats only to discover that even after months of inactivity on my end you guys are still reading and visiting and I am inspired all over again.  My inactivity here does not mean I have not been writing at all, just not posting.  I’ll try to be more regular.  Maybe I will actualize my life’s dream in the process.  Here’s a piece I had written a little while ago.  Hope you enjoy:

 

 

When conflict occurs,

If peace and reconciliation

Are to be the aims

Then the issue of who was right

And who was wrong

Must be utterly abandoned.

All that matters is that both seek

To not continue in being wrong:

By the inability to see things

From the perspective of the other.

The moment the two refuse to set both self

And pride aside

Long enough to acknowledge

Why the other felt the way they did

Perceived it as they did,

This is where the greatest of the wrongs has occurred.

So the true goal to winning becomes

Not to convince the other of your rightness

And their wrongness

But to endeavor to understand clearly

How it was perceived by the other

And after all is said and done,

Although they may not ever agree,

Both win because the emphasis is placed on the two

As a whole

And not as separate entities

In any given conflict

Both had to play a part in contributing to it.

But as long as both agree to

Suspend their self preservation long enough

To be touched by compassion and concern for the other

That is if the two can grasp this principle,

It will be the secret to success every time.

Where this simple statement:

“Based on your understanding of things, I see why you would feel that way”,

Could mean the difference between

Fulfillment and further frustration

When communicating.

When this approach is taken,

The focus of each is shifted off of self

And on to how both can better

Understand

Interact

And communicate successfully with the other.

And that is the secret to winning.