Reservoir of Love

This year’s end is rapidly approaching and with that comes the inevitable reflections of a year gone by, coupled with hopes and prospects for a bright new year as it looms on the horizon.  And while this time of the year usually finds me deeply engrossed in reflective, retrospective thinking, this year, I’ve decided against it.  Not sure if that decision was made consciously or not but there seems to be an invisible barrier between me and being able to reflect on this past year as deeply as I should.   Maybe it’s for the better, but my suspension is that I really just don’t want to relive even for a moment some of the events that transpired.  Not that any thing painstakingly horrible happened but then again nothing extraordinarily amazing transpired either.  So I’m kind of in limbo.  I usually try to boil down my year into at least one profound statement of wisdom I’ve gathered with the conclusion of yet another year– this year all I’ve managed to conclude is that I’m as confused, undecided, and even more confused than I was last year– especially when it comes to love and relationships.  I’ll spare you the synopsis of my year in regards to love.  That’s mostly the part I’d rather not relive, LOL.    Of course this is all beside the point.  Digressing…..But I will say that I received a message from a boo from my past and while I try not to exploit my personal boo business on this page, I think the message is one that a lot of peeps can identify with. 

Nonetheless, I received a message that said something along these lines:

“It hurts me that you no longer love me the way you used to.  If you didn’t know I very much still love you but I don’t want to go on loving you, if you’ve moved on and are interested in someone other than me.”

And to that I had no response because it echoed my sentiments but just not in regards to the individual I received the message from.  Go figure!  But the notion of giving some one one last shot before you attempt to dry up the love reservoir you’ve maintained for them, is something I am sure many are familiar with and was the inspiration for this post.  While  some may criticize this person’s open transparent display of feeling, it’s something we may all have felt  and wanted to say to at least one person at some point in our lives but didn’t for whatever reason.  It’s honest.  What it signifies, at least to me, is that you want to love someone but that person is unwilling to receive that love.  And because you care so deeply for them (or managed to convince yourself that you do) you leave a spot for them open in your heart.  You reserve these feelings for them in the hopes that they’d be willing to receive them for what they are.  And just before you decide to pull the plug on this reserved love, you reveal it to them one last time because you really don’t want to let the water run dry.  But if there’s one thing I did learn, and am still having a hard time coming to grips with is, things usually never go the way you planned for them to.  It’s a true statement that you can lead a horse to water but that you can’t make them drink it.  And it is also true that you can lead someone to the reservoir of love you have for them but you can’t make them accept, appreciate or receive it. 

On a Sweeter Note… I Think

Someone sent me this text today.  And while it was refreshing in the sense that it makes you tilt your head to the side in a dreamy kind of way, just thinking what that type of man in your life would do for you, my bubble was instantly popped as the reality set in that (1)I am booless and (2) does such a man even exist?  I mean despite both of those simultaneous thoughts, a girl can dream can’t she?! 

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot

Who calls you back when you hang up on him

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats

Who holds your hand in front of his friends

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says “that’s her.”

But now that I think about it, is half of this stuff even realistic?  Are “wish-lists” such as these the reason why so many women are disenfranchised today?  Could lists of expectations such as these be the reason behind the relationships we see crumbling around us?  Is it because we enter relationships with “laundry lists” of things that our boo must do for us or else that relationships are reduced to “be perfect or you can’t be with me”.  If a man does not live up to this tall order, does that mean that he should be “de-booed?  Let’s examine this:

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot

Personally I’d prefer the former term myself but there countless women who would opt for the latter.  So what happens then?  Does this point depend on the preference of the woman?  So does it mean, to the girl who prefers the term hot, if he calls you beautiful than he’s not “the one”? 

Who calls you back when you hang up on him

I must admit that if I do hang up in anger, it would be really nice to get a call back but in the event that he doesn’t call back, isn’t he justified in doing so.  Would that mean that he loved you any less?  I have my suspicions but some would argue that he is 250% correct for not calling back. Now I have had both happen, I’ve had boos who called me back if/when I hung up and I wished they hadn’t.  Then I had boos who never called back and well, that ended that relationship.  Case in point huh?!

 Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep

Yeah right.  It’s statements like these that get women into trouble.  You will wake up many a day sorely disappointed once you discover the man you thought you wake to staring at you has fallen fast asleep himself.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead

You know, yeah, this is always nice.  I agree.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats

Again, some woman should not be traveling all around the world in sweats to begin with.  No but seriously, this would be nice, ideal even, but reality?  I’m not so sure.  Is there a rule for this one?  Like after “x” amount of time, he should accept you for who you are?

Who holds your hand in front of his friends

Is this high school?  No, I guess the sentiment is that the same love, care, concern and affection he’d display in the absence of other people, he shouldn’t abandon in the presence of others including his friends which is a true statement and a valid point.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you

Yeah, I’ll take this one too.  This is pretty important and realistic might I add.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says “that’s her.”

Drum roll please…..ahhh yes the moment we all wait for.

I am in no way trying to undermine the message.  I agree with it wholeheartedly.  But, if nothing more, or probably for myself, I was only trying to see this thing from a different perspective because I often time wonder how much trouble having a limited one gets us into.  And while this is probably every woman’s dream, it may will not necessarily turn into every woman’s reality.  Most women will eventually have to settle for as Angie Stone put it:  the man who loves you more than you love him.  Your thoughts?