Knocked Down

Just when I was certain I had regained my footing from the last time “love” knocked me down, I find myself yet again heeding the advice of Kanye and Keri’s collabo- just get back up when it knocks you down. And when I say knocked down I don’t mean it in a good sense. More life the rug has been pulled from under you–knocked down. I wasn’t looking for love, yet some how it knocked on my heart’s door and as reluctant as I was to let it in, I fell victim to it’s persistent knocking never even once considering that I could in turn myself wind up knocked down. I wish I could say with certainty that there are only a specific number of times in one’s life that could leave one knocked down by love. Like after three times it’s harder for love to creep up on you and over take you, at least not to the same degree it did previously. But of that I can’t be certain.

I wonder what really is knocking us down though? Is it love or is it the reality check/shock that our expectations have yet again gone unfulfilled and that maybe just maybe they are more unrealistic then we’ve ever considered? That the dreams we’ve once held and the perfect relationship dynamics we paint in our minds are crumbling, and the pain of that alone is what knocks us down.  Can love and the success of our relationships really be boiled down to what happens when our hopes collide with our realities.  Is  defeating the imaginary, fairy tale the great battle we must all wage war against in life?   Perhaps if we’re successful in knocking that down the less likely we are to be knocked down when love doesn’t go our way.

Love: The Ultimate Bull Ride

Bull riding anyone? 

Now to the perfectly sane individual the normal, understandable, almost immediate response would be “Heck no!!!”  But to the insane of course, it’s “sign me up.”  Now don’t get me wrong, it is fascinating to watch, and while I must commend bull riders on their tenacity and courage; out of all the things a child can dream of becoming one day, I can’t imagine how bull rider could make the top of any a rational person’s mind!   Like how does that happen?  One day you wake up and say “Mom and dad I finally figured out what I’d like to be…..a bull rider.”  Poor kid usually has a dad or grand dad that was one and they become his inspiration!  Go figure.  But of course that’s neither here nor there.  Digressing….

Okay so…….any Animal Planet lovers out there?  If not, you are totally depriving yourself of one of the best television stations ever!  If so, you totally rock!!!!   There’s this one show in particular you have got to catch.  It’s called Untamed and Uncut; it is  entertaining, engrossing, informative and an attention grabbing time waster all wrapped into one!  Feel free to watch a clip right here.  But I bring it up because while watching it one day last week I was inspired.  See this show brings you the most incredible animal encounters ever caught on tape; that’s their mantra and boy do they deliver on it.  And this one clip they showed involved a bull rider who was committed to riding the most dangerous bull for 8 seconds in order to win a monetary prize.  He strapped his hand to that bull and was in for the ride of his life!  He nearly lost his life.  Needless to say he didn’t stand a chance against this bull, he was trampled on and thrown like a rag doll before the 3 second mark.  But the most incredible thing about him and all of the other folks they show case on this show is that despite the life threatening encounter they’ve had with animals, they never give up their trade as a result of it.  After they recover, however long the recovery process may be, they pick themselves up and go bull riding again.  As this bull rider was interviewed, what blew my mind was the fact that he said he’d love to get back on the bull that almost cost him his life.  At that point, mouth open in awe, I too wanted to become a bull rider when I grow up.  But a bull rider of a different sort.  It made me think of how love can be compared to a bull ride.  Sometimes you strap yourself on to what you think will be a fairly smooth ride only to have it morph into a tumultuous ride from hell, and you’re left bewildered to say the least.  But if you’re as committed to love as bull riders are to bull riding, you’ll be fully aware of the risks involved and willingly submit to them and actually prepare for and anticipate it.  But then again, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.  If you just walk away from something you have devoted your life to because of a few bumps and bruises; just utterly abandon the one thing you professed so much passion for, how passionate could you really have been to it to begin with?

Love, as tossed by it as I have been; I’m willing to ride that bull again

Now…. bull riding anyone?

To Love, or Not To Love

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I’m so glad to be back!

[cheers and applause]

Hope you didn’t miss me too much. What’s that? Didn’t even notice I’ve been away for nearly three weeks?? Well I’ll have you know that many a devout reader of my blog has been extremely disappointed to see that I have not posted anything in almost three weeks….. right?

[sound of crickets]

Okay so maybe not, but nonetheless, here goes nothing. The past couple of weeks have been filled with many time wasting activities namely work, the gym, thinking, re-evaluations, and more thinking. And one of the many thoughts that ran through my mind was the saying we’ve probably all heard millions of times over– it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. That is the question. And I guess above all the questions I’ve been asking myself as of late, is it really, is definitely one of them. And while I could have taken the time to research who penned that expression and what the circumstances were surrounding this assertion, I’d rather not. I’d much rather come to my own conclusions. And I’m going to say that whether or not one agrees or disagrees with this claim has largely to do with what the state of affairs is where his/her love life (or lack thereof) is concerned. Other factors that will effect ones response to this statement include: past and current experiences with love and ones interpretations and reflections of them as well. And assuming said expression only takes into account romantic love, sentiments may vary in regards to the validity of this expression depending upon a person’s perspective.

It’s better to have loved and lost

The person who says this is probably at peace with their past state of affairs where relationships are concerned, and they have favorable reflections. They have been intimately acquainted with what it means to have loved someone deeply, truly and wholeheartedly and they wouldn’t trade those set of experiences despite the pain of losing said boo for whatever reason. Perhaps this is the reflection of the mature mind. They have experienced love and loss and weighed the pros and cons of it all and have determined that the ends definitely justify the means and that even if that love ended in loss, it was worth while. This statement renders love a vital heartbeat in life and that life without it, is well devoid of… life. This is the person who understands that love and pain are often two sides of the same coin, inseparable entities, that can not be had one with out the other. But at what price is this lesson learned?

To never have loved at all…

The person who says this has probably either had some really rough encounters with “love” or takes one too many strolls down memory lane. This person would probably compare love to fire and will more than likely chalk love up to be a fire that they would much rather not get burned by. The beneficial warmth of that fire is not worth risking the horrendous burns one may encounter as a result of getting too close. Indeed this statement would almost unmistakeably be made out of deep pain, fear, bitterness and above all not releasing ones self from the memories of yesterday. But could you fault someone for doing this? I most certainly can’t blame them. In fact if we are all honest we can probably recall a time or two in our lives if we had been surveyed, we’d say without a doubt, it’s better to never have loved at all. The difference is, some people make temporary pit stops in that state, while others become permanent residents. I heard that much of life is not what happens but what you tell yourself happened

When love doesn’t end the way we’d hoped it would or expected it to, does the fault lie in the love or in our expectations? Does the notion of loving just for loves sake regardless of how it ends or doesn’t end exsist anymore? Did it ever? And are we even capable of that type of love?

To love or not to have loved, that is the question.

Boo Bashing Binges

Today, being boo-less stunk. Just when you thought you’ve finally reached a point of contentment, something happens that makes you feel as if your heart is being dragged through your boo-less-ness tied to the back of a pickup truck doing 100 miles per hour on a road covered with daggers. Can you say…ouch?! And what could this delightful event be? None other than what I call boo bashing binges. Simply put, round table discussions with other ladies who are living the boo-less life; conversing about their boos, in particularly, how their boos did them wrong. It feels great while you’re in the midst of it. While you are sharing, reminiscing, co-signing, head-nodding, high-fiving, chatting with others about the uselessness of a boo, you think to yourself: I should do this more! why hadn’t I done this sooner? And you sit there smiling from ear to ear, laughing so hard your stomach hurts because you’re thinking boo-less-ness support groups are the best thing next to sliced bread. Reason being things tend to feel a whole lot better when you discover you aren’t out there all on your own. You have a host of other ladies living the boo-less life right along with you. But when you get home, and there is no one around, somehow you are purged from that empowered boo-less state of mind you acquired at your boo bashing binging spree. And you’re left with the stark realization that maybe you did not even intend on being boo-less. It then begins to dawn on you that maybe that boo bashing binging spree was not as good as you initially believed it to be. In fact while you hadn’t cried in a couple of days, you find yourself wiping unexpected tears from your eyes. All you did was have an innocent talk with the girls. Sure there may have been some name calling and insults along the way, but innocent nonetheless. And while they can serve as a form of honest expression, you release pent up frustration, confusion, and anger; it can also be like ripping the band-aid off of a wound and picking the scab off. You’ve left that setting, no one is around, boo-less-ness is even more apparent at this point. Thoughts of good times you had while booed up flood your mind, disappointments that boo didn’t live up to your expectations create dams to prevent the flooding. And just to think that had you been booed up and on cloud nine, you would not have even been an active participant at this session, because you would have been with your boo, gains boo bashing binges a slot in the top ten downs of being boo less.