The [Ex] Dating Game?

Dating The Ex:

The appeal of dating the ex:

All the unanswered questions… answered?  All the would have, should have, and could have beens… ceased?  Unfinished business inevitably… handled?  One would think. But not so.

What actually happens when you date the ex:

But while old sets of questions may find solutions, they are exchanged for new sets of questions that are even more challenging and complex than before.  Only these are never resolved.  Both parties are left regretful that they risked the comfort of the uncomfortable old and replaced them for what they assumed would be resolution with the new.

What you learn from dating the ex:

Instead you learn that perhaps the past… is best left… in the past.  The memories of yester-year, should thus remain for to attempt their reenactment, and duplication would only prove foolishly immature, frustrating naive and unsuccessful at best.  To hope that they’d be recaptured, that the memories the years of separation left you with would somehow play themselves out in reality again, only prove that you can’t hit the rewind or slow motion buttons on life, love and especially past relationships– though you may try.  While old issues may have been laid to rest, new ones emerge.  The bumps in the road that may have rocked the relationship in the past are of an entirely different magnitude than the pot holes you run into when you repeat relationships.

Conclusions about dating the ex:

Flickers don’t always have to be rekindled into flames.  To do so is to play with fire which always leaves one or more persons burned, severely.  Flickers also cast shadows on our minds and hearts so that thoughts of love lost appear greater than reality will prove they are and really were.  But curiosity sometimes makes us add fuel to that fire as opposed to blowing that candle out as should be done.  But curiosity can not only be attributed to the death of the cat, but the death of the sweetness of memories, of the idea of perfect love and of the mystery of unresolved, unfinished love stories and romances with ex’s.  Something I’ve learned to not tamper with… a game I’ve learned I’d rather not play.

Don’t play the ex dating game

Not Good, ‘Til the Last Drop

So my sister and I are eating a Subway sandwich yesterday [compliments of the 5 dollar foot long days...I'm loving it].  And it was pretty alright…until the late bite. Something about that last morsel I put in my mouth…all of a sudden made it the most tasty sandwich I’ve ever had.   In fact, that last drop was better than the entire sandwich for some reason.  I didn’t stop half way through eating the sandwich to say that it was good, as my sister did, because up until that point it really wasn’t good enough for me to make a public announcement about.  But once it was gone, the goodness of it lingered on my taste buds and I had to say, man that sure was a good sandwich.  So naturally my sister and I got into a discussion about why the last drop of something is usually the best part.  Granted there are things that are in fact, good til the last drop, which is a slogan for something but don’t know what, but there are those things that are so good that you thoroughly enjoy it from beginning to end.  Other things, not so much- quite the contrary you only declare it’s goodness after the last drop of it is gone.  And that’s when she said something profound:  It’s just like with relationships!

Was my sister right?  Is it possible to be in a relationship that you never considered to be good while in it, until the last moments you spent with the person?  And if those last moments were the best time you’ve ever had with the person the entire time you were together, would that be enough to qualify the entire relationship as being good?  Is this an example of you missing your water because the well ran dry? But more importantly, is the goodness of those final moments with the significant enough to linger in your mind and make one say, man that sure was a good relationship? 

I don’t mean to be redundant but I have to ask, is it that the last drop really is good, or do we consider it to be good because it’s the last drop?  Guess it’s kind of like the age old, which came first the chicken or the egg question.  If it weren’t the last drop, of a person or food, would it still be good? Men should come with warnings… Would you date someone you knew wouldn’t be any good,  ’til the last drop?

To Love, or Not To Love

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I’m so glad to be back!

[cheers and applause]

Hope you didn’t miss me too much. What’s that? Didn’t even notice I’ve been away for nearly three weeks?? Well I’ll have you know that many a devout reader of my blog has been extremely disappointed to see that I have not posted anything in almost three weeks….. right?

[sound of crickets]

Okay so maybe not, but nonetheless, here goes nothing. The past couple of weeks have been filled with many time wasting activities namely work, the gym, thinking, re-evaluations, and more thinking. And one of the many thoughts that ran through my mind was the saying we’ve probably all heard millions of times over– it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. That is the question. And I guess above all the questions I’ve been asking myself as of late, is it really, is definitely one of them. And while I could have taken the time to research who penned that expression and what the circumstances were surrounding this assertion, I’d rather not. I’d much rather come to my own conclusions. And I’m going to say that whether or not one agrees or disagrees with this claim has largely to do with what the state of affairs is where his/her love life (or lack thereof) is concerned. Other factors that will effect ones response to this statement include: past and current experiences with love and ones interpretations and reflections of them as well. And assuming said expression only takes into account romantic love, sentiments may vary in regards to the validity of this expression depending upon a person’s perspective.

It’s better to have loved and lost

The person who says this is probably at peace with their past state of affairs where relationships are concerned, and they have favorable reflections. They have been intimately acquainted with what it means to have loved someone deeply, truly and wholeheartedly and they wouldn’t trade those set of experiences despite the pain of losing said boo for whatever reason. Perhaps this is the reflection of the mature mind. They have experienced love and loss and weighed the pros and cons of it all and have determined that the ends definitely justify the means and that even if that love ended in loss, it was worth while. This statement renders love a vital heartbeat in life and that life without it, is well devoid of… life. This is the person who understands that love and pain are often two sides of the same coin, inseparable entities, that can not be had one with out the other. But at what price is this lesson learned?

To never have loved at all…

The person who says this has probably either had some really rough encounters with “love” or takes one too many strolls down memory lane. This person would probably compare love to fire and will more than likely chalk love up to be a fire that they would much rather not get burned by. The beneficial warmth of that fire is not worth risking the horrendous burns one may encounter as a result of getting too close. Indeed this statement would almost unmistakeably be made out of deep pain, fear, bitterness and above all not releasing ones self from the memories of yesterday. But could you fault someone for doing this? I most certainly can’t blame them. In fact if we are all honest we can probably recall a time or two in our lives if we had been surveyed, we’d say without a doubt, it’s better to never have loved at all. The difference is, some people make temporary pit stops in that state, while others become permanent residents. I heard that much of life is not what happens but what you tell yourself happened

When love doesn’t end the way we’d hoped it would or expected it to, does the fault lie in the love or in our expectations? Does the notion of loving just for loves sake regardless of how it ends or doesn’t end exsist anymore? Did it ever? And are we even capable of that type of love?

To love or not to have loved, that is the question.