The Recipe to Winning

Howdy guys!

It’s been a while. I know.  I happened to look at my stats only to discover that even after months of inactivity on my end you guys are still reading and visiting and I am inspired all over again.  My inactivity here does not mean I have not been writing at all, just not posting.  I’ll try to be more regular.  Maybe I will actualize my life’s dream in the process.  Here’s a piece I had written a little while ago.  Hope you enjoy:

 

 

When conflict occurs,

If peace and reconciliation

Are to be the aims

Then the issue of who was right

And who was wrong

Must be utterly abandoned.

All that matters is that both seek

To not continue in being wrong:

By the inability to see things

From the perspective of the other.

The moment the two refuse to set both self

And pride aside

Long enough to acknowledge

Why the other felt the way they did

Perceived it as they did,

This is where the greatest of the wrongs has occurred.

So the true goal to winning becomes

Not to convince the other of your rightness

And their wrongness

But to endeavor to understand clearly

How it was perceived by the other

And after all is said and done,

Although they may not ever agree,

Both win because the emphasis is placed on the two

As a whole

And not as separate entities

In any given conflict

Both had to play a part in contributing to it.

But as long as both agree to

Suspend their self preservation long enough

To be touched by compassion and concern for the other

That is if the two can grasp this principle,

It will be the secret to success every time.

Where this simple statement:

“Based on your understanding of things, I see why you would feel that way”,

Could mean the difference between

Fulfillment and further frustration

When communicating.

When this approach is taken,

The focus of each is shifted off of self

And on to how both can better

Understand

Interact

And communicate successfully with the other.

And that is the secret to winning. 

A Worth While Investment

Let’s face it… relationships are expensive! And I don’t mean financially either [well on second thought, I've had my share of those types of relationships as well-- another story for another time].  But I’m more so talking about how taxing they can be emotionally, how costly they are in regards to your mental stability at times.   The enormous amount of time they demand.   All these things considered I’ve come to realize that relationships are investments and investments, all too often, I’ve made in haste, only to discover it wasn’t worth while.  They appeared promising at first glance but at a deeper level, have only taught me that everything that glitters is definitely not gold.  Don’t get me wrong, it took me quite some time to learn this lesson.  Countless attempts I’ve made to yield a return on the love, dedication and emotion I’ve expended in a relationship only to some how came up short.  At other times the care and nurture I’ve put into building was met by all my efforts being undermined, unknowingly uprooted and replaced with weeds.   Every time it was a different character yet producing the same results namely, me being left bankrupt with all the vibrant and compassionate me I’ve invested handed back to me broken and in pieces–depleted and severely exhausted.  Reaping what I had not sown for, receiving nothing I had intended and very far from what I had given.

I don’t know how some do it; embark on more relationships than you can be counted on one or both hands.  Guess for some it provides a sense of accomplishment, adds notches to the good ol’ belt.  But as for me, I’ve learned that relationships are things I’ll handle with care, my fragility has been ill-handled far too many time for me to entrust it to just anyone, yet again.  I’m only making investments with partners [boos] that are willing to bring just as much if not more to the table than I am.  I’m making investments that are not just good for just a little while but investments that are worth while and consider both parties best interest and good in the end.

What You Watching For?

They say watched pots never boil.  And although it is most applicable as a metaphor, things really do seem to take a longer time to cook when you’re eyeing it.  I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve stirred a pot full of food on an empty stomach and it feeling like it took an eternity to finally be ready.   But this expression got me to thinking about how many other areas in our lives this concept applies to.   And the truth of the matter is that it’s all a matter of perspective.  In all actuality it takes the same amount of time to cook the same meal whether you’re hungry or full but your condition is going to color your perspective greatly and I’d argue that the same is true of relationships.

Why does it seem that the more you want a relationship, the longer it takes to finally come about?  The more you desire companionship, the further away all prospects seem to be?   I’ve come to learn that it’s the same principle as the watched pot, it always boils… eventually, just not as fast as we would have liked.  So what do we coin a new phrase?  Watched relationships never come to fruition.  Only they do, with time, they spring up from even the most deserted fields of singleness.  The seed of it had been hidden so deep underneath the parched surface it was almost impossible to believe it was there.  But it was and it does spring up when you least expect it. 

So what are you waiting for?  Get on with your life.  Enjoy it.  Single life is time you never get back once you take that plunge into the never-ending abyss of love, romance and coupledom.  Stop watching and waiting for life to start once you find a boo and start watering your life with new discoveries of you!  It’s only when you try to run on empty that you’re heightened to the emptiness that’s around you to distract you from the real emptiness that’s with in.