Mr. Right or Mr. Right There

On the job front, a fellow co-worker received an email filled with what was titled:  A Hot Ghetto Mess.  So you have a plethora of disturbing photos of mostly black people doing/wearing the most outlandish things. Completely pointless and ridiculous, making fools out of not only themselves but every black person some people in other countries will ever know due to the world wide web.  The email was none the less circulated and my co-worker made a note worthy comment about it:  sometimes people are so desperate for attention that any attention even if it’s negative will do.  And of course, it got me to thinking about that statement in regards to relationships/men.  Couple that with various similar current life ”circumstances” of both myself and those close to me and the notion of settling raised by a fellow blog buddy… a new post was birthed. 

Are we settling for who I’d like to call Mr. Right There, because we are attention starved from a Mr. Right who only exists in our imagination.  A Mr. Right who we’ve only ever really seen in our dreams and can’t be certain he’ll ever appear.  But I do think the same notion of being so desperate for attention from a boo that you are willing to settle for who’s available right now even if we know they aren’t “the one”.  So what you wind up with is a whole lot of fill-ins.  Men who you allow to occupy the blank spaces of time in your life just because they are Right There, not even coming close to being the Mr. Rights we’ve been waiting to sweep us off our feet.  But not only are they available when we’d like them to be, they can’t really do any thing for us that we can’t do for ourselves.  We’re using them as place holders until the real one steps on the scene. 

Well then the question of why we allow this to take place must indefinitely arise.  And it’s because we’re so desperate for someone to occupy that space in our lives that anyone will do.  All the expectations we’ve held of Mr. Right are temporally abated and some times all that counts is that Mr. Right There, is right there just when we need him.  How minimum our requirements become when we’re “desperate”.  Would you prefer a Mr. Right who is seemingly delaying his arrival in your life indefinitely, or a Mr. Right There who is nothing we would have accepted under other circumstances?

Boo-Less Refugee

As I mentioned before, this boo-less life is wrought with numerous ups and countless downs.  And it’s not without it’s cyclical changes in attitude towards it.  As the pendulum swings in this boo-less life, it can carry you from one extreme to the next and every where else in between; as you can go from whole-heartedly embraced, relished boo-less-ness, to scrambling to find the quickest emergency exit possible (aka desperation).  Boo-less-ness can seem like a bed of roses, while other times the sting of a roses thorns make it seem like the most dreaded experience ever.  In those less than pleasurable times in boo-less-ness, one may seek to flee such a “dreadful state”, escape it, or even become a boo-less refugee.  What usually onsets this grassroots movement against boo-less-ness more often than not has a great deal to do with the perceived happiness of those who are ‘booed up’.  Everything in relationships seems that much more peachy and creamy when you are looking at them from the outside–much the same way clothes in the display window look so much more luxurious than they do once on your body.  Knowing that relationships in reality aren’t necessarily all that they are chalked up to be, is not the least bit successful in tapering the desire to be un-boo-less at times.  So you begin planning your escape route, and it’s very indiscriminate, every and anyone is a viable rung in your ladder of escape out of the boo-less life.  When you are at the end of your boo-less rope, any one will suffice.  Hunger makes everything taste so much better and unfortunately a similar mechanism is in play once you are “boo-starved”…..any boo will do.

Un-boo-less-ness.....Here I come!!!!

I am reminded of an episode of Bugs Bunny I saw as a child.  Bugs Bunny and several other people he was with got really hungry on some journey they took.  They were all on boat together and after hours of not eating they began to look at each other and envisioned each other as being food–hamburgers and hot dogs.  They were hallucinating all due to starvation.  And it just made me think, how many times one can find themselves in that same position due to boo-droughts.  When you look around you, people who have always been there begin to morph right before your eyes into the most satisfying prospects at being your accomplice as you make your boo-less exit.  I wonder how that unsuspecting boo would feel, to know he was only a consideration because your boo-less-clock was ticking and as a result you envisioned him as something he wasn’t?  I always knew Bugs Bunny was good for something….that’s all folks.