Consciousness. 

• A point of awakening
• Being made aware of something that was previously unknown to you 
• A light bulb going off, illuminating what was once drowned out in darkness

This was the theme of my English class this semester.  What it means to be a conscious individual.  And although I learned a lot about the topic, the greatest lesson was learned not from a text book but from my own personal experience immediately following this class.  What I learned from the class was that once you’ve been made aware of something, you can’t just become unaware of it.  It requires an action or a response.   What I didn’t know was that there are different dynamics, stages even, that exist when we begin to deal with the issue of consciousness.  Namely:

• For starters there’s your life  as you’ve grown accustomed to it before you’re conscious of something
• Something is brought to your attention that you were previously unaware of, in fact you were operating in life as if the opposite were true
• The changes one undergoes as a result of that conscious
• The life that is invariably different as a result of that revelation

The immediate mental picture I get when I hear this word is one of a person who has been in a deep sleep and is suddenly awoken. And I’d love to believe that consciousness is most beneficial and optimal way to journey through life.   It’s the exact opposite of the less than enlightened “ignorane is bliss” philosophy.  And while I believe it to be a privledge; consciousness is certainly not for the faint in heart.  Consciousness will always lead to change… if it is faced with courage that is.

But I post this because apparently my theoritic, text book undertakings this semester so lovingly decide to manifest themselves in my life and so this is as autobiographical as it gets.  I found out a guy friend of mine who I’ve never looked at as any thing more sees me as much more than just a friend.  Having been made conscious of it, I am now conscious of feelings I never knew existed myself.  But my question or concern rather is : when consciousness hits our relationships, does it necessarily turn into catastrophy?  How does consciousness effect our relationships?  Does raising levels of consciousness in our relationships  automatically translate into:

1. Things will change
2. Things will never go back to being the same

For the sake of relationships is it best to adhere to:  what you don’t know won’t hurt you?

P.S.  I tried to not make this about me but the rules of the game have changed and I don’t like it!  Consciousness is supposed to be so wonderful so why is it feeling so catastrophic in this instance?